During Covid, when the world paused itself, and we all found ourselves almost frozen in time, the one thing that kept reverberating in my mind over and over again was — if this is where I am stuck for the rest of my life, if this is how my life is to be forever or if this the moment it ends, am I happy with the life I have created? Am I happy with the way I am living?
No surprises, the answer was a big no. I did not want life to hit pause right in the middle of the way I was living.
That’s when the fear set in.
A deep, suffocating fear that if I do not do something, I will drown.
Somehow, I managed to channel that fear to dreams, dreams that aligned to who I was and how I wanted to be living. I didn’t have any answers, the future was fuzzy, so many options, so many paths swam before me. I could say I was more confused than ever, and taking any decisive action seemed to be the hardest thing to do.
But I did one thing.
I got clear on how I wanted to live my life.
I thought to myself, that’s the very least I could do.
I wanted to be the master of my time. I did not want to report to work at 7.30 in the morning, nor ask someone for permission to take time off, nor simply to show up on days I just did not feel like showing up. I wanted freedom to wake up in the morning leisurely, and spend time doing yoga, have a slow breakfast, go for a long walk, all while creating something meaningful with my time.
I found that — a job at a small non-profit that gave me flexibility of time and space to have my routine, go for my therapy sessions, have space to self regulate and to deepen my relationship with myself, all while doing meaningful work with children and young people, meeting inspiring individuals and learning things outside my comfort zone. So I resigned from what was familiar and safe, my full time job, to pursue this.
I wanted to travel, live abroad, gain new experiences and serve communities beyond my shores. I wanted to show up everyday making an impact on the lives of others, while I lived my own life and have my own adventures.
I found that — a volunteer opportunity at an NGO in Cambodia, that broadened my worldview in so many ways, gave me the opportunity to love and serve others, all while experiencing new places, meeting new people and above all deepening my inner journey, giving me time to heal from the past and love myself again. So I decided not to continue with what had grown comfortable, my work at the small non-profit, to pursue this.
I wanted to deepen my spirituality and connection with my culture. I wanted to learn as much as I could about yoga and Indian spirituality and spend my days seeped in practice, surrounded by like-minded people with whom I could connect with, and above all in places of deep spiritual significance.
I found that — a three week trip to India to learn yoga turned into a three month stay visiting scared spaces, meeting diverse people, immersing myself in Nature, sharing authentic connections, and all the while connecting deeply to myself, experiencing unparalleled healing and growth. So I left my work in Cambodia, with a two way ticket and plan to return to the place that was fast becoming home, only to return much later and with no plans.
I never knew which doors would appear for me nor what they would open into, but I had a dream and a trust in the Universe, and when they appeared, I just walked right through.
I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
I guess I am penning this down at a moment in time when I feel afraid and unsure how to move forward nor what action to take.
This is the reminder — that to start making real changes to my life, I need to get clear on how I want to live my life.
As 2024 is slowly wrapping up, take this as an invitation to you too — how do you want to design your life? A life so beautiful, true and aligned that when life hits you with a pause, you can happily say, there is no other moment I would rather be in?
So instead of crafting unrealistic 2025 resolutions, shall we simply give ourselves the time and space to get clear on our vision of our life! And beyond that, we’ll allow the Universe to work its magic for us.
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